Kindness in Patience

Years ago in Sunday morning Aikido practice, I spent a lot of time with a beginner student working on some very basic technique. Mizukami Sensei looked on and walked by. He let us be.

After class Sensei said, “Jon, you’re a lot more patient than me.” I looked at him and said, “Fuck no.” That was nothing, but mad love and respect. Sensei laughed too.

I told Sensei that he was way more patient than me. Like no shit. He dedicated over 50 years of his life teaching Aikido. That meant watching students do the technique the same way, after demonstrating what to do correctly. That meant saying “Wait it out” for the attack, over and over and over again. Fortunately, those like me listened and tried to do our best to follow Sensei’s instruction.

Did Sensei ever lose his cool? Ever get mad? Hell, yeah. That being said, that’s the rule of Martial Arts training and Aikido training. Sensei was patient as long as you were being present, that you were actually trying your best. His distinction in patience was profound.

Growing up at home, Dad had little or no patience for me. When I’d make a mistake or forget something, he would be all over me. He’d get so angry at me. He never took the time to put in the correction or offer advice. Instead of learning from the experience, I was left with fear and hating on myself for being so wrong. For being not good enough.

Fortunately, Sensei taught me Aikido, taught me what it is to be a good man. No, Sensei wasn’t perfect. As all great Senseis, he got mad, too. I read Sensei Terry Dobson’s book It’s A Lot Like Dancing about his training with O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba. O-Sensei was the GOAT (Greatest of All-Time). That being said, O-Sensei had a legendary temper. Terry experienced the unpleasant end of some of that. As with most things: There are an upside and a downside. Just saying.

Terry was only one of two Caucasian students to ever train under O-Sensei. Mizukami Sensei knew Dobson Sensei and had mad respect for him. Terry acknowledged that he got his life from O-Sensei, much like I got mine from Mizukami Sensei. I presume that O-Sensei taught Terry out of his commitment to making a difference in the world, and out of his kindness.

Perhaps, the GOAT O-Sensei was as patient as he could be with his students, out of kindness. Ironically, when he yelled, I believe students got that O-Sensei wanted to them to be the greatest versions of themselves, more than they did. Although, not entirely transparent in that moment.

I have nothing but mad love and respect for Mizukami Sensei for being as patient as he could be in his over 50 years of service, of teaching Aikido to those like me so that we could be the best versions of ourselves.

That’s all very Old School. In the times we live, within a politically correct culture, patience looks drastically different as it needs to be. Perhaps, in a way, I’m now more patient than Sensei was. Over the years, I’ve had my own trials, tribulations, physical injuries, and healing my depression with my therapist Lance.

Life has a way of humbling. I got my lesson in humility. I got that I need to be patient, that I need to be kind to others and me. There is kindness in patience.

When I taught Aikido to 14-year-old Adam I said, “Don’t beat yourself up”, when he couldn’t get the technique properly. I had patience. Adam was me when I was 14. It was all right for others to make mistakes, but Adam wasn’t allowed. He had to get everything perfect. My patience for Adam was my kindness to 14-year-old Jon. I taught and healed me.

Adam made Shodan (1st-degree black belt) before he turned 18 years old. Now, he has his Ph.D. in linguistics and working in Los Angeles. I’m so proud of Adam. I’m so grateful to him, too.

Chuck is one of my best friends on Planet Earth. He’s like a Brother. We’ve been friends for over 30 years. I’ve worked for Chuck in the past. He’s been my invaluable mentor. Aside from being a Good Man, devoted husband, and father, Chuck is one of the smartest dudes I know. A few years ago, Chuck had brain cancer. He got treatment and the remaining tumor was in stasis. After Chuck retired, his condition reoccurred affecting the left brain. He experienced some cognitive disability, having difficulty expressing himself in speech. Chuck is on a new medication that resolves many of his symptoms.

Sometimes, I have to remember to talk slowly. I hear Mom’s voice, “Jonny, slow down.” She said that to calm my soul when Dad got angry, that fear from my past. As much as I practice, I sometimes talk over people, when I need to be more patient, just listen, be kinder.

I have nothing, but mad love and respect for Chuck. Before the COVID-19 pandemic quarantine, I would have lunch with Chuck and his wife Lisa. As Chuck spoke, I looked at him, listened, and waited it out. He did his best to speak and tell his story. I was kind in patience. I showed the kindness, love, and respect that he has shown me over the years. Amen.

We often live in unkind times. Still, be kind in patience. The world works and heals when we have compassion for others and for ourselves. I’ve taken a while to get and appreciate patience. So I need to practice. Perhaps, 10,000 times and more. Just saying.

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